Editor’s note: The election ran “smoothly”, but there’s still time…
A big win, a big win it was,
Monumental, all would agree,
A new start for America,
A new start for the land of the free.
The country waited and wondered,
If all the promises made would be kept,
In anticipation of the inauguration,
The women openly wept.
January twentieth was brisk and sunny,
The promise of new day in the air,
All the governors and congressmen and senators,
And dignitaries and press corps were there.
To witness the rise of our Leader,
But wait, had something gone wrong?
An explosion, followed by another,
Torn flesh and blood in the air,
Terror unleashed on our nation,
People were dead everywhere.
But our Leader was master of the moment,
He was ready for such an event,
A battalion of special operations soldiers,
Swept in to arrest the opposition threat.
First they arrested all of the Muslims,
Then they beat and detained all the Jews,
They locked up all of the liberals,
And they took control of the news.
From the inaugural pulpit,
The dictum went out through the land:
Martial law for the sake of our country,
And security throughout the land!
The court system was suspended,
The Congress and Senate dissolved,
As rife with dissension and treason,
Until the terror was solved.
A single hand at the helm of the country,
To keep the homeland secure and safe,
Trade our freedom for our security,
Was such a small price to pay.
And the godless foreign terrorists,
Were found and got their due,
But with the world sworn to destroy us,
We could not stop with those few.
Anyone who questioned authority,
Be they blacks, Muslims, or Jews—Or Mexicans, liberals, homosexuals, the list goes on and on,
Were concentrated to serve at hard labor—Deportation was too expensive!
Or be shot—they could rarely choose.
And a wall built saved us from immigrants,
And oh the jobs it provided,
For the Americans managing slave-labor,
With the Leader were clearly delighted.
And Mexico did pay for the wall,
In exchange for the Great Leader’s favor,
New resorts with his brand and buildings galore—Really, really big ones!
All built with Mexican labor.
And America became a fortress,
To defend against threats from abroad,
But extended military compassion,
To its neighbors both big and small.
North and South America united,
A mighty market for the brand,
But the rest of the world was no matter to him,
There was no profit in taking a stand—They’re all yours, Vladimir!
And profits, oh my, for himself and his family,
For his trophy wife, and his excess life,
It was all about building his brand,
And his brand was on the presidency.
Building his brand for his daughters and sons,
Groomed, a hand-chosen dynasty,
In black, red, and white.
And all the white folks praised him,
And some Hispanics and blacks,
Anyone who had not felt the whip on their back.
And the brand lives on,
That shouldn’t come as a surprise,
It’s all peace and calm with shutters on your eyes.
Now somewhere in the distance,
We can hear the people sing,
Praises to the Leader,
And hear their voices ring:
Hail to the Leader! Hail to the Leader! Hail to the Leader!
One people! One country! One king!
And of their God,
There is only one,
With the churches converted to condominiums,
And worship centers bearing his brand.
Praise the name of Jesus,
Religion is a business,
A component for the security of the state.
And so may our Leader’s flag wave on through the night,
And we may live to remember that George Orwell was right,
“War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.”